TFZ - The Friend Zone.

Ah yes.

The Friend Zone, that sweet limbo, that semi-seductive purgatory where nice guys seem to live, made popular by the hit sitcom "Friends" back in the day. However, there are a few important questions about this place must be asked and answered.

First Question: What, exactly, is the friend zone?

To answer this question, one first needs to understand the context of its creation. Personally, if I feel attracted to a girl, i feel the need to find out more about her. I believe the most logical route to take is to befriend her. That way, I can learn more about her personality and see if she is a person worth going after. I'm usually successful in befriending her, due to the fact that I'm a relatively friendly person.

So let's assume that in a few weeks time, I decide that I really like this girl. So I try to take the friendship to another level, but I'm usually faced with the following sign:

CAUITION: YOU ARE NOW A RESIDENT OF THE FRIEND ZONE.

"Well of course I'm in The Friend Zone, I'm her friend" I say to myself. "Now to go to The Boyfriend Zone"

So I find a policeman, and ask him how to get to The Boyfriend Zone. He gives me directions and I'm on my way. However, to my dismay, When I get to the place he told me about, I'm faced with a sealed door and another sign:

THE PASSAGE TO THE BOYFRIEND ZONE EXPIRED A FEW MINUTES AFTER YOU MET THAT GIRL.

"Sigh," I think, "Again? Are all Boyfriend Zone passages this short-lived? Oh well, the next girl I meet will want to be friends first."

Most of the reading I have done seems to point to one thing: women make decisions about a man's potential as her mate within a few minutes of meeting him. It also seems to declare that once the decision is make, it is near impossible to unmake.

Sigh.

Second Question: What does The Friend Zone look like?

The Friend Zone is hard to qualify.

It makes more sense to describe some of the sensations experienced while in The Friend Zone.

i. Constant references to friendship ("I'm so glad we're friends", "You're a really good friend").

ii. Friendly conversations that don't seem able to move past a friendly level.

iii. Other "friend stuff".

(DISCLAIMER: The sensations experienced in The Friend Zone are similar to those experienced in the Zone of Friends. In fact, they are exactly the same. It must be noted that the Friend Zone only spawns when the person you are friends with is someone you want to be romantically involved with. The Zone of Friends is where your normal friendships exist.)

Third Question: Can one escape The Friend Zone?

No.

Very much like Hotel California, you may never leave The Friend Zone.

Fourth Question: But that's unfair! Why not?

Hey, that's a whiny exclamation and a question rolled into one.

To answer it, I do not know. Apparently, the only choice a guy has is to let a woman he's simply attracted to know that he's interested in her and he has to do it very quickly after they meet. If he does not, The Friend Zone spawns. However, it makes no sense to me to do this, since it seems quite risky to constantly throw your heart out there simply based on mere attraction. As a result, I have to constantly risk The Spawning of The Friend Zone everytime I meet a woman I'm attracted to and hope the the experience I gain from spending so much time there will allow me to one day break free of it.